


Diet Pills

by Castillon02



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Body Image, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-07-30 15:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20099299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castillon02/pseuds/Castillon02
Summary: Someone makes Bond an offer; Bond eventually takes them up on it.





	Diet Pills

**Author's Note:**

> A headcanon for 007 Fest 2019

It happened during the grueling SBS selection process. In the base camp that first night, some twat (Grover? Grocer?) sat down on the cot next to Bond’s and looked him over while Bond did actually useful things, like making sure his bag was weighted properly for their march the next day. 

“You look like like you could use an edge,” Grovcer said after a minute. At first Bond thought with some incredulity that he was talking about steroids, but then Grovcer gave Bond’s belly a pointed look. “You don’t want to carry around any extra pounds this month, do you?” 

Bond glanced down at his stomach. It was true that he was stocky, that his abs stayed hidden unless he really flexed. But he always met the Navy’s weight requirements during his annual physical and he was certainly fit enough to kick someone’s arse. 

Grovcer’s, for example. 

Grovcer had the look of a gym rat, all his muscles defined like a Greek statue’s, and he ignored Bond’s raised eyebrows. “Here,” he said, and he tossed Bond a foil pack of pills. “Take one with every meal; you’ll shed pounds like a motherfucker.” 

“Thanks,” Bond made himself say. He shoved the pills into his pack and promptly forgot about them. SBS selection was no time to experiment with unknown substances. 

When Grovcer collapsed from heat exhaustion on the third day, Bond made sure to pass him with a jaunty wave. 

_After _SBS selection, however… 

Well. Bond emptied his pack, saw the pack of pills at the bottom. He took one out. He sniffed. He licked it. 

He looked at his belly. Despite short rations and heavy exertion, it had kept a slim padding of fat throughout the entire month, even as his thighs and arms had bulged in his uniform from increased muscle. 

He was confident in his body. He knew its strengths and its limitations. But if he could lose a pound or two more while still eating in the way he liked…well, it couldn’t hurt to try, could it? 

*** 

As it turned out, it did hurt. After only two days of taking them, it hurt to the tune of oily spots, flatulence, cramps, and nausea. Bloody side effects. 

Bond tossed the remaining pills in the bin and resolved to eat what he liked, exercise when he liked, and be thankful to his belly for teaching him an important lesson. 

He didn’t need a 24/7 six-pack to look damn good or to be one of Her Majesty’s finest. Anyone who said differently could go take a diet pill and stew in their own farts. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 Constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
